Her

My mother turned 51 yesterday. Today my little brother asked me whether she is /really/ fine.

Because we know all she does is lie, beyond her health.

She is a mother who gave birth to the two of us and raised us with everything she had.

She is also a failed adult not by principles, but by practices.

She used to be a Goddess to all of us.

Until we realized it was categorized as mental abuse.

Until we realize she’s fabricated her life and only preach to satisfy her subconscious ego.

The moment we see through her, we finally out grow her shell.

We’d moved far away from her for the sake of our sanity.

She did not love us the way we need to be healthy. But she did love us.

As a so-called grown-up, I used to excuse just that. That someone loves you, that’s enough even though it’s toxic.

From a GM to where she is right now in a giant empty house, I could understand why she’s been so obsessed with herself after everyone left.

She keeps taking picture of herself. Those pictures are not the ones your average Asian mom would take. Mom’s could be flagged Grade R.

But what else she could do for 24/7 with no friends, no busy job, one maid and three dogs.

The pictures. The affairs. The debts. The lies. The ego. All the speech she still gives as if we believe her nonsense had stopped with her bf & his family.

I let them go whenever I visit her.

The conversation between a 26 and an 18 sibling went like:

-18: Is Mom okay

-26: I don’t trust her but from the looks, she’s better mentally when I keep paying her multiple visits

-18: She doesn’t have much time. I don’t feel right.

-26: /No one feels right but/ let’s just do our best.

We no longer dictate about how she should live her life.

Nor did we investigate about how much money, loans, cheats she spent on her personal affairs.

Nor did we babysit whether she has seen the doctor.

We were tired. Not because we are active in finding the truth but because it kept randomly coming up on the dinner table.

We didn’t even have to search. She’s not even good at covering up her mess.

We were betrayed kids.

And so, it is true:

That if they know you care,
they’ll walk all over you.

(Said my brilliant character Harvey Specter
in Netflix’s “SUITS”)

Look at the grey side, not necessarily a bright one:

She is now tamed to the extend that she know I could leave at any given moment if she started the same mental abuse game. It was one of the most destructive moments a child could get after yelling at its broken mom and then left the house for good.

I was that kid a year ago.

Yesterday is her birthday.

The trigger had almost fire before my fiancé arrived.

Yet it did not.

I smiled and took pictures.

We are good, Mom.

Be well.

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