Almost a decade since I came across these questions and was too naive to handle their profundity. Let’s see how my 24-year-old-self attempts to reflect upon them for the first time.

Thank you, 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind. A very good dose of self-reflection after having lived 1/4 of an ideal human lifetime : )

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

Forever 19. Naive enough yet hasn’t reached 20.

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?

Failing =]] JK. Never trying is much worst.

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

We forgot that life is short, mistakenly believing that there’s enough time.

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

I hope I have done enough to stay up to par to what I’ve said.

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

The world is fine but the people, including me.

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Stop printing fake happiness and pretending you are rich.

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

half-half. I’m settling for what I believe.

8. If the average human lifespan was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

Retire at 30. Die at 50

9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

man… tough! 50%? Well, to be honest, I think 15% max. All I do is to get lucky with that Life takes me to. If I’m not that lucky, I endure.

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

Doing the right things. They are tough to identify from the beginning.

11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?

I’d tell them a candid story of why that close friend is still my friend despite all that comments. Then leave the rest for them to decide whether to continue to judge or have lunch.

12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

You cry to breathe for the first time. Breathe properly for the rest of your life for people forget how to do it well until they die.

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

I would if I have all the money to buy the law.

14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?

Yep =))))))))))))))) Insane mentality = Fabulous creativity

15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?

Weird sleeping postures and pro-death philosophy

16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?

There’s no one-size-fit-all-happiness.

17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?

Committing suicide back in college. LOL life was holding me back.

18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

A lot. I’m a hoarder as well. Beautiful people and cute pieces of stuff are tough to let go of.

19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

Berlin. Why? Mannnn, the heavenly beers, the hippie modern artistic communities, the tasty homie vnmese food =] There must be more but I yet to find out.

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

Logically it counts each push as one person right? RIGHT???? It goes straight up to my floor if my pushes exceed max number of people/elevator, does it? I need an engineer to confirm =]]]]]]]]]

21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

A joyful simpleton.
A genius with anxiety is a fool anw.

22. Why are you, you?

My memories make me me. Or maybe not. Too deep I can’t think of what made of me. Latte? Matcha? Miso? Wine? Cheese? The years and the love?

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?

Proudly YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I fed my friends when I was broke. I housed them when I was having little. I talked to them when I didn’t have enough time for myself. I cried when they get hurt. Shiet. I wish I could be such a friend to myself. Jello LOL

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

It hurts the same way.

25. What are you most grateful for?

The ones I truly love are still living.

26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?

I would rather not make new ones. I believe I would still be functional with my old self. Losing memories is nothing different from losing one’s identity. I don’t need that kind of meaningless rebirth.

27. Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

There’s no truth. The more you challenge it, the better you discover its perspective siblings.

28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?

Twice. Probably more to come as more fears develop. More fears, less shocking surprises.

29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?

Yah …. Probably I’d still laugh at myself for being such an idiot 5 years from now.

30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?

Broke my leg and stayed home just to watch Tom & Jerry.

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?

OMG I did!!! Florence, Italy 2014 when I was free to study for my half artistic self.

32. If not now, then when?

Tomorrow. After I get enough sleep. duh…

33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?

Give it up. No more nights without sleep and depression. I don’t want to achieve nor get anything, I just keep walking and breathing. That journey is much more enjoyable. Grace drives you to where you need to be. Not competitiveness.

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?

: ) I didn’t even need to see them

35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?

People with blinded love who can’t read the teachings have it all wrong.

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?

Evil is good. Without a doubt. Possible lah.

37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?

No. I need a professional environment to stay sane and stay me.

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?

Definitely more work that are enjoyable to do. My brain needs good exercise.

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?

uh huh

40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?

Right now…

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?

If I’m the only one who stays alive, I would rather not see anyone. It’s easy to die. Not to live. May as well consider dying altogether. Then we could meet everyone.

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?

I value my privacy. NOPE.

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?

Breathing and knowing that you’re breathing

44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?

Rewards > Risks ==> do it
Rewards = Risks ==> do it
Rewards < Risks ==> sleep and recalculate until Rewards is at least = Risks

8-}

45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?

‘Cause mistakes are sometimes pricey. Not all lessons are affordable to learn from.

46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Die young.

47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?

Most recent midnights.

48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?

Myself.
I’ve been taking a few breaks from FB quite frequently to give it enough decent care.

49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?

Likely not the details. But all I do all day is struggling to find the lost meaning of my life. We all do that same job every day, don’t we?

50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

I’ve spent so many years making decisions and forcing others to follow them. I wish I could have others made sound decisions for me. It feels nice to not have to decide anything. But I won’t let my brain free. I feel like a dictator of my own.

It’s a curse to always be in control of what you are and what you do. You’re conscious all the time but you also need to have others make good decisions for you while you’re on holiday. My brain indeed needs a vacation from myself =]]] #nomoredecisiontomakeplz