affairs

Recently I received an anonymous note says “Your blog saved my life. Thank you”

Little did people know that I was just trying to save myself. No need to thank me.

Miraculously I saved some others as well… (You guys saved me too. Your occasional anonymous messages do brighten my days and inspire me to write on)

And so today I dedicated a few words on what has been the most difficult topics to talk about publically.

People are watching; I know. People are judging; I know. People are suffering; I know.

I only write for the people who are suffering.

To mothers who have affairs:

I tried to understand that life has been extremely tough on you. Your spouse failed to satisfy what he promised. Your children failed to listen and empathize. There must be countless moments you were seeking help. Phone calls. Emails. Talks. And a few listened. And your affair was among the little circle.

I tried hard to not judge you. As you child, I couldn’t fulfill what the other man could. It’s just me being selfish. After all, you’re my parent. You’re mine? Not really. You are you. You need love, too. Whether it’s blinded love or whatever that is, you are a loner.

Just like me, under the same house.

Still learning to love you the way you want and the way I can. Because you still love me unconditionally.

You are my Mother.

To fathers who have affairs:

I tried to understand that life has been extremely tough on you. Your spouse failed to satisfy what she promised. Your children failed to listen and empathize. There must be countless moments you were seeking help. Phone calls. Emails. Talks. And a few listened. And your affair was among the little circle.

I tried hard to not judge you. As you child, I couldn’t fulfil what the other woman could. It’s just me being selfish. After all you’re my parent. You’re mine? Not really. You are you. You need love, too. Whether it’s blinded love or whatever that is, you are a loner.

Just like me, under the same house.

Still learning to love you the way you want and the way I can. Because you still love me unconditionally.

You are my Father.

To friends whose parents have affairs:

Your parents are human beings.

Therefore, they are NOT perfect.

Hard to admit they are not what you thought them would be. But, they are human beings. How the hell on earth it is so difficult to realize your parents are normal people? Unbelievably tough. Especially when you realize you inherit your personality traits from them, the goods, the not-so-goods, the uglies. You imagine that one day you’d be like them. And you don’t seem to accept what your parents had become over the years. You didn’t even know what went wrong. It’s just oh-shit moment when you realize that you might have the tendency to do and cause the same pain.

It’s a daily battle to stay conscious and make decisions rationally and not being influenced by the deadly genes you inherit.

Your parent(s) are flawed. Therefore, you are, too. But you can learn to live with your flaws right? Because you don’t have other choice. I’m still learning it, trying every way I can to know more about myself, to learn dark secrets from myself. So that I could cope with other people I love. So that I could seek inner peace with my blood.

Love your poor self. Love your poor Mom and Dad. They are just as damaged as much as you.

You should BE proud of yourself. Because you’re alive. So that you can love while others fail. Love,

–Sài Gòn, 04/02/2017

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One Comment Add yours

  1. LinhPo says:

    The fact is we always have expectation on people around us, the closer they are to us, the higher the expectation. I’ve been learning to forgive for more than a year, though I even hadn’t thought about forgiving anyone else except myself before that.
    What I want to tell you, considering you as a friend who is sitting next to me. If your parents still love you, if they have affair but still agree on staying in the same house, taking care of their children, you’d better choose to be happy.
    I have 1/2 parents left. My mom passed away and I can hardly hear what my dad says since he can’t control 1/2 of his body after a stroke. Not to mention, I was afraid to go out and see people when I visit Vietnam since I was asked so often for my dad’s debt, shamed on me.
    However, I’m not sorry for myself about that, I’m sorry for my ANGER every time I think of my parents for what they did and how they raised me, I have been going against what they taught me that’s why now I’m here. One reason why I chose to live abroad is not to see my dad even he is suffering. It hurts me. But then by the time of this post, I relieve. I’m grateful that I grow up to the point to accept people by who they are instead of how I want them to be.
    It’s the first time I tell this story to someone who is not my family. Thank you for being so real, for smiling and working hard while holding your dark side at the same time and especially for being brave enough to bring that dark side to the world. Thus, today I chose to be brave, to reveal ‘the dark’ to someone who accept it. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

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