for the sweet anonymous

Dành cho những con người xinh đẹp giấu tên đã viết cho An.

For the beautiful people whom have wrote to me and kept their names anonymous.

FYI, the link to send me the birthday notes is actually the same one on my website (which has been there all year round and will continue to stay there). So write me anytime but if you leave it anonymous, I’ll make some parts/whole of it public occasionally because what you share is beyond beautiful and it deserves a public appreciation from me and more importantly, serves as an inspiration to others.  *All information that others might guess your identity will be excluded : )

I have received so many wonderful notes from friends, acquaintances and even strangers ever since I decided to collect people’ notes for me via a GoogleDoc (which is 3 years ago).

Some found it offensive (because they have to submit a form, like a survey) & many have loved it. I even received messages from those who hate me as well, telling me that my personal sharing was annoying.

Yet, all of those notes were extremely honest. They have shaped the way I transcribe my personal life stories so that I could inspire rather than demotivate others. I have had a much better awareness about myself and the impact I could have on this vast yet so well-connected world.

Without those notes, I would never know that I have made people believe more in themselves than I do to myself.
I didn’t know I have saved people lives while I was suffering from my own existence.

Regardless of what I received, you all made me believe that love is possible if I unconditionally give back. That what I do is meaningful and the fact that I live,matters.

Life happens (all the time) yet you all have saved me from solitude and despair.

Thank you for reading my stories, supporting me and loving me without judgement.

You may write me anonymously yet please leave me your creative name or whatever codes/signatures/etc. If we happen to meet in life, say hi to me with your code name and we will salut to whatever event life has miraculously brought us then.

Much love,

Below are a few among all beautiful anonymous notes I have received that I wanted to response to with all my heart. I’m inspired by these words and so I hope you all do too.

#23

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Note 1.

[…] Let’s say I’m just a person walking past in your life. You see, I hate Birthday as well, but I never know why. But I guess, since Facebook exists, some people hate it because it’s fake, empty words and so on. Actually, Birthday is really fun. […] Or should I say, I love the fun. I love gifts. I love the attention from everyone and I deserve it. We had food. We had laugh. And then, you continue on with your life. Nothing to worry about.   

But virtual Birthday and solitude Birthday are the worst. One reminds us how distant people have become. One reminds us how sad we are.   

What I truly believe is that time doesn’t exist. It never and will never exist. People think of time, day, month, year to make it convenient for their life. Yearly crops, 1-month anniversary, quarter report, New year, Resolution, all of those things.  What I truly believe that we have the right to be happy. That’s the only thing I believe in. When you choose to be happy, everyday, and when you choose to be at peace with yourself, you don’t have to do anything. All you need is happiness and peace. With that comes love, love for yourself and love for others. 

Love yourself every day, and love yourself on Birthday. Love everyone on each and every day, and every moment. It will not matter anymore if you’re 20, 21, 22, 60, or 70. We’re going to die anyway, so why does it matter? I know tough things have happened to you in the last year. But it will go away. We have ups, we must have down. We have birth, we must have death. It’s a nature of life. As soon as we are okay with that fact and let go of the control, you will not hold on to past, nostalgic, and ambiguous feelings anymore. Feelings will come, and feelings will go away. The only thing you can do is to accept it, and keep being positive, full of love, for yourself and for others.  Trust me on this, it will all go away, like the sands go through your fingers. Don’t hold on to anything.  

I saw and watched you. You’re blessed with many things. We’re blessed with different things, talents and so on. But one thing we’re blessed in common is happiness. It’s just we choose to hold on different things, people and let go of happiness, that’s why we’re in misery.  I wish you the best things in life. And I wish you happiness.Every day is a new Birth Day :)

– From a brother you know “ 

An: /:) K. I have a goldfish memory and if I know you, you gotta let me know… I need a brother like you besides my sister *sobbing* TT.TT

Note 2.

“Trước […] nhà tui cũng khá giả. Đùng một cái làm ăn thất bát, nợ nần chồng chất, tuần nào cũng có người đến nhà kêu cửa đòi nợ. Không biết hồi đó trong mắt bạn bè tui có bình thường không, nhưng tui nhớ là không ngày nào đi học mà tui thấy không buồn.[…] Còn lúc đó thì tui nghĩ mình vô dụng, dư thừa, có lúc muốn chết quách. Tui tìm hiểu tất cả các cách tự tử có thể, còn ướm mấy lần rồi. Lúc đó ở nhà tui còn quấn cả tấm vải lên lan can, treo lòng thòng ở đó mà ba mẹ tui không thắc mắc gì cả. Cũng phải, nhà lúc đó còn ai tâm trí đâu mà nghĩ nhiều. Mấy lần bắc ghế tính đá ghế mà không dám.Trong những người bạn trong lớp, có bà với một bạn nữa là để ý đến tui. Tui không biết mấy bà thấy gì ở tui lúc đó, nhưng tui có cảm giác là bà và bạn đó care, không chỉ đơn thuần là đùa vui hay trò chuyện bề ngoài. Rồi sau đó mấy bà tặng quà sinh nhật cho tui. Đối với tui món quà đó là lời chứng minh tui đáng giá, tui cũng không phải thứ thừa thãi. Có thể nói bà và bạn đó như người nhặt lại mấy mảnh vỡ của tui vậy.Bà quan trọng đối với tui. Tui không muốn bà cảm thấy mình mang nặng trách nhiệm hay gì, nhưng tui cảm thấy nếu bà không học chung lớp với tui, hay bà không sinh ra, biết đâu tui đã tự tử chết rồi. […] Cho nên Trường Anh yêu quý ui, tui muốn nói là dù sao đi nữa thì tụi mình sẽ ổn thôi, chỉ cần tụi mình còn sống. Tui mong rằng đâu đó, lúc nào đó, sẽ có người nhặt những mảnh vỡ của bà và đưa nó cho bà, giống như cách bà đã làm với tui vậy. Chúc bà luôn an yên và nhiều hi vọng. Thương bà.”

An: Vì không biết bà là ai nên đành phải trích lên đây mong bà thứ lỗi nha. Nhưng mà hồi học năm 2 ở Mỹ tui cũng định suicide đó… Vì ai dòm vào cũng bảo sống sướng thế có quái gì để chết mà bày đặt làm màu nên tui không bao giờ kể với ai. Đến bây giờ tự thấy quý giá bản thân hơn nên quyết tâm sống tốt. Vì chết, thì dễ quá… Cảm ơn bà nhiều nha. Tui cũng tự gói gém mình được rồi. Mọi người, kể cả bà, đã nhặt những mảnh vỡ còn sót lại. Cũng còn mẻ đâu đó. Nhưng mà, chỉ cần hoàn thiện thôi, đâu cần hoàn hảo nhỉ. Miễn là tụi mình còn sống : ) Thương………

Note 3.

I read your “viết cho những ngày…” until about 3:00am and I found something really good. I can imagine a part of you. Just a little but enough for a new senior/friend. I know we were born with different stories but, on some stages, I feel like myself while reading your words. I believe that no matter how successful we are, the kinds of people having too much thoughts in our head like you and me, will still have our own crushes. Things happened sometimes just like “never support us” but we have one choise only, being successful. Although I wanted to talk to you something in life and encourage you, I did not since I dont think it’s normal of me to do that :) Ur birthday maybe a good chance for me to type this. I am also in my hardest time but I feel better because you guys kindness […] and your beautiful “viết cho những ngày”. So, I want to use my positive now to give back to you. Be strong and beautiful!  

An: I kinda guess who you are based on the people you mentioned (kept hidden) and I’m glad someone does take the time to read my unpopular tumblr. It’s just a clumsy collection of writings that I keep for myself in chronological order, so that I know how far I have become. Every writing reflects a milestone of my life. I myself can’t really remember all the details and events that had me write those things, but I still feel parts of myself back then. It feels great to visit the old self once in a while. Some writings I wrote for my future self which is the me right now and It is creepy that things did turn out the way I once feared… I’m working on myself now and then. I know I’m not alone, thanks to you and others. Best of luck with everything. Let me know whenever you need me : )

Note 4.

“Tớ chắc chỉ tính là người qua đường trong đời cậu thôi. Thế mà đây là lần thứ hai viết cho cậu đó. Tớ cũng rất là lười nữa, nhưng không biết sao cậu bảo write me thì sẽ đi write. Maybe because you’ll read?  To be honest I’m not prepared for any writing or sharing, and I don’t know you well so it’s all the more difficult. But I guess I want to offer some words of encouragement to you. The fact that I, a mere stranger, care, speaks volume about you. Oh man why does this suddenly sound creepy. But honestly, your writings are great. Your experiences are great. The friends surrounding you are great. You are great. Life’s tough, but you’ve been doing great and I have faith that you’ll continue to do so. Any low phase will come to and end. Just tell yourself that any bad feeling, any suffering you’re experiencing now will soon be over. Just a little more and it’ll be over.[…] I’m wishing you a memorable year ahead. Be it good or bad, I hope you come out of next year kinder and stronger.Take care and good luck :D “

An: Nếu như cậu đã viết cho An đến 2 lần thì nên cho An biết cậu là ai nha. Cảm thấy thật có lỗi…. Người thân thì xa nhau. Còn người dưng thì hiểu nhau. Người thương nhau cũng không thể gần nhau. Buồn ha. Nếu mà không thể lộ diện thì ký bút danh hay sao đó để những lần sau An nhận ra nhé. You too take care and best of luck : )

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About mstruonganh

Artistic and Weird | Website: www.mstruonganh.com

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